Today we are making rainbow cupcakes. These are actually pitifully simple vanilla cupcakes, but they come out looking like cartoons.
First up, music. I suggest The Aquabats because they’re awesome. They’re the kind of guys that live on a diet of only rainbow cupcakes. If you need to stop and dance to Rickshaw Derby then do so. Usefully enough, the exact moment you put them in the oven (the cupcakes, not the band), Charge!! will be finished. Turn your oven onto 160˚C fan forced (kinda figuring out the numbers now) and line 18 cupcake holes. Plain white paper cases look great because they get dyed by the batter. I used double linings which is just a pain in the butt, turns out.
Next, ingredients. 180g butter, 2 cups of self-raising flour, four eggs, 1 cup caster sugar (the coffee tin has caster sugar in it because I don’t know), 2 tsp vanilla essence, and 1/3 cup milk.
For the rainbow part, you will also need six bowls and a shitload of food dye. For some of these we used professional food colouring because we had some lying around, but if you have enough of the little squeezy bottles you can pull it off. You’ll use about 1-2 tbsp per colour. So three reds, three yellows, three blues. If you don’t know how to mix colours go back to primary school you jackass why are you trying to make rainbow cupcakes if you don’t even know how colours work. If you shop at Ikea you’ll have these cute little colour-coordinated bowls. If not, you’re probably not a lesbian.
Soften up the butter in the microwave. Crack eggs in little bowl first, fuckass, you better not have forgotten. Put everything in a big bowl. It’s that simple.
Enlist your sexy grrlfriend to help you mix the batter. If you’re forever alone do it yourself.
Spoon out your batter into the little bowls. This is pretty time-consuming getting them even. Just do a round and then top up with your leftovers. Don’t be stingy, a lot of batter goes to waste with all the transferring. Deal with it.
This is what they look like when you mix them. Be thorough! this has one and a half squeezies in it. Be generous or you’ll have crappy hippie cupcakes. I mean the batter was that easy to make you can at least put a bit of effort in here. Dye the fuck out of that shit. Go crazy with the yellow too, because all of them will go a little yellowish when the cakes cook so yellow needs to stand out. Also, purple is a really annoying colour. Start with lots of red and add blue bit by bit. Just hope for the best. Mine came out this awesome blackberry colour cause I’m basically a boss.
This should be your end result. I haven’t changed the contrast/saturation in this picture at all. YOUR CAKE SHOULD LEGIT BE THIS COLOUR. The most important part of doing rainbow cupcakes is getting the colour really fucking rich. That’s why everything else in the recipe is piss easy.
Spoon out the mixture. This is a pain in the ass figuring out how to fit it into 18 pans. It’s about a teaspoon. After each colour, give the pan a jiggle to flatten them out and get even layers. You don’t really have to do this because they look pretty psychadelic anyway. You can see we’ve kind of had a go at it but mostly given up by green time. Again, no saturation added. Look at the colour of those cupcakes, it’s like that time you puked crayons in kindergarten. I’m assuming you did that because I never did, I spent kindergarten dressed as a purple alien called Widget the World Watcher.
Then you add your yellow, orange, and red. If you didn’t know they went in that order you don’t know what a goddamn rainbow is and you don’t deserve to make these cupcakes or live. Unless you’re colourblind, in which case… um, just kind of go for it. Fun fact: my uncle is a colourblind painter. Every day is an adventure.
Put them in the oven (yes there’s a monster one at the front because we didn’t know how much batter to use so we tried this guy first). They take a little over 20 minutes and the colours are so interesting we literally just sat in front of the oven watching them. HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THESE FINE THINGS. They came out beautifully soft and fluffy and coloured like if unicorns ran a crack den.
Take them out and let them cool. We did this overnight because my hot grrlfriend had a spider bite and wanted to go to hospital and read Ghost Rider comics that evening. Anyway get her to make buttercream icing. To make buttercream frosting you use about 50g softened butter and a few cups of icing sugar and some water. Just keep adding stuff until you’re happy with how much stuff you have.
Cover them in hundreds and thousands because you are a homosexual. Holy fuck, look at these fucking cupcakes, how are they even real
LOOK AT THESE FUCKING CUPCAKES!
You can also eat them but honestly
I haven’t! I’ve got Unicorn Barf on the list, though.
I’ve got a script I’ve got to finish today though, so I just made a shopping list for Ms Wendy and now I have to get back to work. I’ll look up unicorn poop tonight.